Intimate Partner Violence

*Trigger warning – Intimate Partner Violence/Domestic Violence

Today is International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women.

Unfortunately, a couple days ago, a Pakistani man unalived his wife in front of their two children in the quiet suburb of Milton, Ontario in Canada.

This breaks my heart.

For the poor woman whose parents and close family live outside of Canada and woke up to the news that they lost their daughter.

For the poor children who had to witness their father do this to their mother.

My heart breaks for the unimaginable abuse and violence this mother and children must have endured for years.

The years where she may have wanted to leave her abuser, but was discouraged by community, and shame.

Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) doesn’t cause an incident like this all of a sudden one day. There is often years of cyclical abuse.

As a survivor of Intimate Partner Violence from my first marriage, I work hard every day to raise awareness on domestic violence, IPV, toxic masculinity, misogyny, and advocate for healing intergenerational trauma that causes abuse, rage, hopelessness, and shame to be passed down through generations.

As a therapist, I see countless South Asian, Pakistani women, young and old, struggling with the cycle of abuse, with IPV, with abusive partners, suffering in silence. Often, they minimize the effects because abuse is so normalized in our community. It is not labelled. It is not spoken up against. It is accepted. The man is not held accountable for his actions. On the contrary, the woman is shamed. “What did you do to anger him?” She is asked.

They minimize the severity of abuse and the traumatic effects this has on their psychological well being, thinking it’s verbal, or emotional, at least it’s not physical… yet. They minimize the effects because of the stigma of divorce, the shame it will bring to their families if they raised their voices or decided to end their marriages. And so they remain stuck in the vicious cycle of abuse.

Three things you can do:

1. Educate yourself on Domestice Violence.

2. Speak up and intervene. We hear about people turning a blind eye to abuse. This needs to stop.

3. Act. Donate to agencies that raise awareness and/or help survivors of IPV.

This hits so close to home. My heart aches for them.

May Allah give sabr (patience) to the family. May her children find their paths to loving homes, and restorative trauma healing.


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