Are you Fearful in Relationships?

When we fill our void with someone, we temporarily fill our wounds with them and become dependent on them. We begin “needing” them.

This person in our life is now needed for survival. That is a heavy burden and a lot of pressure for that person.

Sometimes, we know this is a band-aid for our deeper wounds. We know, as soon as the band aid comes off, we will feel that pain again.

So we become fearful of this devastating pain, and try our hardest to avoid this outcome. We feel this way because we have filled our holes with parts of someone else. We didn’t heal our wounds with self love, and self compassion.

We develop anticipatory anxiety – trying our hardest to avoid this gut-wrenching, heart-wrenching pain by becoming hypervigilant, people pleasing, on edge, pushing-pulling, even attacking.

Deep down, maybe we know we are heavily reliant on this person to stay in our lives. To keep surviving. Relationships become a revolving door, on again, off again. People feel I seem to can’t leave this person this must be love.

But it’s not love. It’s dependence. It’s self medication. It’s escape.

It’s having a painful open wound and not knowing how to heal it. It’s running from the numbness. From yourself.

So what happens when one day they do leave, or something else causes the loss of this person?
We feel that utterly devastating pain again. Only now, it’s a tsunami of all your childhood traumas, fears of abandonment, accompanied with the new grief and loss of losing this person.

I hope you know it is entirely possible to heal our wounds and fill our voids with ourselves so we become whole.

A person who is whole chooses to have people in their life because they want their presence, not because they need it.