Structural Dissociation after Trauma
Trauma causes Dissociation or Splitting between the left hemisphere (responsible for logic, analysis, observation) and the right hemisphere (responsible for imagination, creativity, emotions, trauma memories). Brain research shows trauma survivors have reduced number of pathways in the corpus callosum, accounting for decreased communication between the two hemispheres. Splitting allows the logical brain to take over and…
Are you Fearful in Relationships?
When we fill our void with someone, we temporarily fill our wounds with them and become dependent on them. We begin “needing” them. This person in our life is now needed for survival. That is a heavy burden and a lot of pressure for that person. Sometimes, we know this is a band-aid for our…
Healing Indecision
Lately my conversations with some of my clients have centered around indecision. Let’s explore indecision from an Internal Family Systems perspective. IFS believes your internal parts are part of an internal family. Indecision within your internal system may be a protector part, protecting you from something. When we are feeling indecisive, it means we are…
Would you like to feel safety within?
If you want to feel safe within yourself, you need to have a felt sense of safety somatically. This comes from experiencing safety relationally with a safe human being. Typically, this role will be fulfilled by our caregivers. But in cases where the caregiver was unable to provide this safety, we would struggle with feeling…
Exploring Interoception and Exteroception for Mindfulness Practice
Let’s explore the concepts of Interoception and Exteroception and how they can be used to help individuals stay present in the moment. These can be particularly helpful for Dissociation. As we navigate through our daily lives, it can be challenging to remain grounded and mindful of our surroundings. However, by exploring these two concepts, we…
Happy Holidays
Wishing you joy, love, and peace this holiday season. The holidays can be tough for many people, especially if you are away from family, experiencing grief and loss, or going through a mental health challenge. Happy Holidays to those who may be feeling alone this season, as they are in the process of setting boundaries…
Self image issues in young women
We are currently living in a world where young girls and women are competing with a standard of beauty that is unfortunately not real. Thanks to social media filters, our definition of “beauty” has become something that actually does not exist. At the same time, we are seeing increased rates of plastic surgery, body dysmorphia,…
Intimate Partner Violence
*Trigger warning – Intimate Partner Violence/Domestic Violence Today is International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women. Unfortunately, a couple days ago, a Pakistani man unalived his wife in front of their two children in the quiet suburb of Milton, Ontario in Canada. This breaks my heart. For the poor woman whose parents and…
Good Enough
A belief of not being good enough is often deeply rooted in Trauma. It cannot be changed cognitively alone, through reality testing. Healing occurs through long-standing relationships where the person’s goodness is reflected back to them over and over again. For how long? Long enough for the right hemisphere to truly take it in.
Hypervigilance – a protective part
Trauma survivors often develop protective parts that help them survive their trauma. One of these parts is called the Hypervigilant part. The Hypervigilant part in Trauma survivors prevents them from spontaneously engaging in day-to-day life without triggering the “alarm system” of the brain. If this is you, start by noticing when your Hypervigilant part becomes…
Misogyny within the Pakistani community
More men, particularly men from the Pakistani ethnicity, need to be taught what it means to be a healthy man, a feminist, and an ally. Unfortunately, too many are raised with toxic masculinity, misogyny, an inflated sense of entitlement, gender-based double standards, and even narcissism. They are taught and encouraged to be bullies, oppressors, and…
Childhood Sexual Abuse
Childhood sexual abuse is more common than we think. Perpetrators are more commonly family members, siblings, close relatives, someone the child trusts or looks up to, rather than strangers. In a research article published in the Journal of Child Sexual Abuse in 2015, Zeglin, DeRaedt, and Lanthier reported, 1 in 5 girls have experienced childhood…
On Authenticity
I have noticed some thoughts brewing in the back of my mind lately. Thought I’d pen them down and maybe make sense of them. Disclaimer: these are just thoughts stemming from my life, observations, my internal dialogue, and rumblings. Please note none of these are intended to judge or criticize anyone. Okay, so let’s see.…
Food for Thought
Sometimes life can get tough. We go through times when we start feeling overwhelmed, anxious, stressed, depressed, or discouraged. We might feel like we are losing hope or worse, we may have lost all hope. If this is you today, imagine you are looking at a picture of a large circle. This circle is your…
Affirmations for Depression
I am allowed to voice my emotional pain. Even if it makes others uncomfortable. Even if people are tired of hearing it. I don’t have to silence my voice or my pain to make people stay. I don’t have to pretend. Everyone goes through pain at some point in their lives. I don’t have to…
🙂
You are not burdening anyone. Allow yourself to share. You deserve the same kindness you give everyone else.
Emotions
Happiness is not a simple choice. Nor is it realistic to expect consistent happiness over time. To feel, acknowledge, and express our full range of emotions is more authentically being human. We need to stop shaming those struggling with difficult emotions, so they stop blaming themselves, and feeling like somehow they are “failing” or they…
Anxiety
I love teaching my clients unique ways to help them learn how to cope with their Anxiety. Here is one of them. On a piece of paper, list everything that is on your mind right now. Keep going. Write down all your thoughts. All the things you “have to” get done. Everything on your mind…
Boundaries
From a Family Systems perspective, sometimes the “Black Sheep” is the one who sees the toxicity and sets appropriate boundaries, which may include distance/walking away. Please know this is okay.
Guilt vs Shame
Guilt: I did something wrong.Shame: I am wrong.
Decisions
Our present is actually a reflection of our past decisions. Whether we realize it or not, consciously or unconsciously, we are making choices and decisions every moment, every day. What we sometimes don’t realize is, every decision we make comes with a consequence, including our decision to not make a decision. There’s no escaping the…
Relationship Compatibility
As a couples therapist, I see a lot of couples in my practice experiencing relational challenges due to a variety of internal and external factors. I have noticed through my work with them, there seems to be a protective factor that differentiates couples that tend to become more resilient together from those that tend to…
On Commitment Phobia
Commitment phobia tends to be a painful experience for both the individual engaging in the pattern and the people involved in their lives. There is often a sense of push/pull in these “relationships”. The root cause has to do with the family of origin survival patterns. Both men and women can suffer from commitment phobia.…
CBT 101
According to Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT), the following cognitive distortions affect our cognitions, emotions, and behaviours: All or Nothing Thinking or Black and White Thinking – eg. “Either I do it right/perfectly, or not at all.” Mental Filter – only paying attention to our failures, not our successes Jumping to conclusions – knowing with certainty…
Women Empowerment in the South Asian culture
When it comes to women empowerment, it is important to explore the psychological underpinnings of cultural influences, and parenting styles on the development of gender norms. Parents, particularly in the South Asian culture, tend to restrict their girls’ opinions and silence their voices, in the name of “niceness”, “respect”, and “obedience”, fearing societal shame, and…
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